


In Vino Veritas

by SailorPortia



Category: Little Witch Academia
Genre: Alcohol, Cuddling & Snuggling, Drinking, Drunken Confessions, Drunken Kissing, Drunken Shenanigans, F/F, Mentions of underage drinking, Sharing a Bed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-20
Updated: 2018-11-20
Packaged: 2019-08-27 00:51:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,672
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16692229
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SailorPortia/pseuds/SailorPortia
Summary: The gang's all here and they're going to get wasted trying out as many types of alcohol as they can. Because this is a fanfic, feelings will be confessed. But it's going to be a wild ride getting there...





	In Vino Veritas

**Author's Note:**

> Amanda's catchphrase in this fic was shamelessly stolen from the true crime podcast "Wine & Crime", specifically from the host named Amanda.

“I’m going to regret this, aren’t I?” Diana asked, surveying the scene before her, her hands on her hips.

“Don’t be such a bummer!” Akko said. “This is gonna be so fun!”

“That’s what I’m afraid of. Your idea of fun is tantamount to pandemonium.”

Akko laughed. “No one’s going to get pneumonia! We’re just going to drink a little!”

‘A little’ was a severe understatement. A veritable hoard of alcoholic beverages and mixers sat in the middle of a spare room in the Cavendish Manor, surrounded by Akko and Diana’s friends. Diana wasn’t sure how Akko had convinced her to accommodate this drinking party at her home (though Akko’s puppy dog eyes may have had something to do with it). Luna Nova’s most infamous students had recently graduated and, seeing as they were all of legal drinking age, they concluded that they should celebrate by drinking themselves into oblivion.

Diana had dubious thoughts about the whole experiment, but she was loathe to deny Akko anything. She had developed a soft spot for her self-professed rival, and as of late it had gotten softer and softer until it had become, in a word, mushy. Thoughts of Akko occupied her mind more often than she would like to admit (and their content was another matter entirely), and she didn’t like to think what she might say or do once her inhibitions were loosened by alcohol.

Neither girl was aware, but Akko was in a similar situation. Her drive to compete with Diana had been replaced with the desire to impress her. Akko didn’t understand why at first, but after being praised by Diana multiple times — and feeling incredibly happy because of it — she realized that it was because she liked Diana paying attention to her. Moreover, she liked Diana. And tonight there was a serious chance that she might embarrass herself in front of Diana through some drunken antics. She might even confess! But things had a way of working out for her, so what’s the worst that could happen?

“Let’s get this party started!” Amanda cheered. “Whoever clears the most bottles wins!”

“Are you trying to kill your friends, O’Neill?” Diana gave Amanda a death glare, ironically.

Amanda returned the gesture. “Aren’t you, like, from a family of super doctors? Isn’t this super doctor headquarters? We’ll be fine.”

The “super doctor” raised an eyebrow. “If you want to be treated by my aunt or cousins, by my guest.”

“Damn right, I do! I’ll drink myself into a coma if I can get to see those twins in nurse uniforms--OW!”

Hannah retracted her elbow from Amanda’s ribs. “Anyway, let’s get started. I won’t survive the evening if I have to be around Amanda when I’m sober.”

“What should we try first?” Barbara asked, perusing the considerable variety of drinks to choose from.

Amanda had made the case that they should accumulate as many types of alcohol as possible so that they could all find out what kind of drinks they liked. Diana had a sneaking suspicion that Amanda already knew damn well which drinks she liked and was hoping to see her friends inebriated. Naturally this went against her plans of not embarrassing herself in front of her crush. But she had confidence in her own self-restraint. Some confidence, anyway.

“Gimme that tequila!” Amanda said, reaching for a bottle.

Lotte beat her to the pile. “We should start with something light,” she said in a hushed voice.

“That’s a good idea,” Barbara said. “We don’t want to burn our taste buds off as soon as we start.”

“Speak for yourself,” Amanda grumbled.

Lotte poured each of them a glass of white wine and they all took a taste.

“Ooh, I like this!” Akko said. “It’s really, um, yummy? You can really taste the… fruit?” She knew that fancy people could go on and on about wines and how they tasted, but she had no frame of reference. Luckily she wouldn’t look uncultured in front of her friends who also had no experience...

“Ah, Riesling,” Diana said, taking a sip. “Finely aromatic. Note the fruity sweetness counteracting the high acidity. You can tell it’s been aged, due to the—”

“Mommy fuckin’ likey,” Amanda said and chugged the remainder of her glass. “C’mon, everybody. Chug! We’ve got a lot of booze to go through!”

Diana glowered at Amanda. “Wine is meant to be enjoyed, not _chugged_.”

“I’ll enjoy it when it hits my bloodstream.”

Hannah poured Amanda another glass. “Don’t be a barbarian. Drink it slowly and actually taste it this time.”

“I love it when girls tell me to taste it,” Amanda said with a wink. Hannah slipped wine on herself and stuttered a request for something to clean herself up with. Barbara rolled her eyes, grinning slightly, and magicked away the wine with her wand.

“How do you know all those things about wine?” Akko asked. “All the ‘aromatic’ and ‘acidity’ stuff? I don’t know how to talk fancy about wine.”

“Well, Akko,” Diana began, “it takes a refined and trained palate to detect these details in a wine. One must also study different wine grape varietals to understand how aging and different manufacturing process affect a wine’s flavour. One must also consider—”

“Actually I mean how do _you_ know so much about wine?” Akko looked at Diana instensely.

Diana cleared her throat. “I’ve drunk wine before on occasion. It’s nothing to be remarked upon. A glass here and there. It’s fine.”

“You mean between your last birthday and now?” Lotte asked. “That’s not a long time.”

“Oh it isn’t,” Hannah said. “Diana always managed to find a glass of wine at whatever parties she’s been invited to.”

 _Can you blame me?_ Diana thought. She’d been attending such aristocratic social functions ever since her mother’s death, and they were so mind-numbingly insufferable without chemical assistance.

“Ooh, I didn’t know you were a party girl, Cavendish!” Amanda said. “Who knew you were human?”

Akko snickered. “I had no idea you were such a bad girl, Diana.”

Diana flushed at Akko’s choice of words. “You make it sound as if I were some sort of lush. A glass of wine a night, maybe two. I’ve only learned so much about wine because of how many parties I’ve been to and it’s the sort of thing I’m expected to be knowledgeable about one day. I’m hardly a staggering drunkard.”

“Well, there was that time you tripped over your own dress, landed in Lady Argyll’s lap, and started flirting with her,” Barbara said. Akko looked at Diana in awe.

“I knew you were too much of a goody two-shoes to be real!” Amanda said gleefully. “Underage drinking? And you’re always telling us to be responsible.”

“And you’d have us believe that you’re an angel?” Diana shot back. “I’ll bet my wand you’ve done plenty of underage drinking yourself!”

“Yeah, and I brag about it. If you’re not a fraidy cat, I can show you all the best clubs and we can finally get you laid—”

“Anyway,” Hannah cut in, “let’s move on. This booze isn’t going to drink itself, you know.”

“Let’s do a red wine next,” Barbara suggested. “I’ve seen Diana drink it before but I was too scared to try it myself.”

Diana sighed and selected a bottle from the hoard. “I suppose a Merlot would be a good place to start. Medium tannins, medium acidity, oak aged. Nothing too strong.” She poured the glasses, handing the first to Akko. “Tell me what you think.”

Akko eyed the dark liquid before taking a sip. And another. “It tastes… smooth… and… rich?”

“Very good, Akko,” Diana said with a smile. “You can be very observant when you want to.” Akko giggled and blushed at Diana’s praise.

Amanda took a gulp. “As for me, I detect some intense notes of mommy fuckin’ likey!” She drank the rest quickly while Hannah pleaded her to slow the fuck down and drink like a human being.

“Lemme just say, I think I prefer red,” Amanda added, winking at Hannah, who mumbled a sort of agreement that red was her type as well.

“Incorrigible,” Diana muttered to herself as she sat down next to Akko.

“Well, that’s Amanda alright,” Akko said. “By the way, what’s your tolerance like?”

“I’d like to think I haven’t texted my limits yet,” Diana evaded.

“Oh. I’m just worried I’m a lightweight. It’s kind of a stereotype about Japanese people.”

“I’m sure it will be fine, Akko.” Diana placed a hand over Akko’s, sending a surge of warmth to each girl’s heart. “Things won’t get out of hand. I promise.”

But it was still early in the evening, and things were only going to escalate. In fact, the next item on their itinerary was -- 

“Vodka,” Jasminka said, holding a bottle of the liquor.

“I knew I could count on you to bring the potato juice!” Amanda said.

“That’s a stereotype,” Stanbot said for Constanze.

“It’s a stereotype for a reason!”

Jasminka laughed and poured each of her friends a glass of vodka.

Lotte and Barbara tried theirs first. They agreed the strong liquor wasn’t for them. Constanze cringed, but fought her way through it.

“Mother Russia fuckin’ likey!” Amanda cheered after tasting hers.

Akko tried a little of her vodka and made a face. She tried more and scrunched her face up. “This tastes like hand sanitizer.”

“How do you know what hand sanitizer tastes like?” Hannah asked.

“Don’t ask,” Sucy cackled and pounded her vodka like it was water.

At Amanda’s urging they raced through as many of the remaining drinks as they could. They tried a sweet, low alcohol content mead from Finland that Lotte had brought. Akko proudly shared a bottle of _sake_ , delighted when Diana demonstrated the correct etiquette and frustrated when Amanda threw it back in one go and asked how to say “mommy fuckin’ likey” in Japanese. Constanze brought German beer, and Amanda brought tequila, which Akko thought tasted like one of Sucy’s more disgusting potions and Diana refused to even touch it.

The alcohol was beginning to add up in their systems, and Akko could see there were plenty of drinks left to try. It seemed inevitable that something wild was going to happen soon, and she was surprised it wasn’t going to be her fault; she was still relatively sober by some miracle.

“We need rum!” Lotte shouted, clearly well past tipsy. “Like Belle drank in volume 302 of _Nightfall_ , when she was captured by pirates and they laid siege to Tortuga!”

“I loved that one!” Barbara chimed in, practically sitting in Lotte’s lap. “The pirate queen was so hot! I want her to step on me! Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum!” 

“Why are you pretending to be Santa?” Akko asked. She wasn’t sure if she was drunk, Lotte and Barbara were drunk, or if _Nightfall_ was just that confusing.

“That’s ‘ho ho ho’, Akko,” Diana said, leaning against Akko. “Ho ho ho,” she repeated, giggling under her breath.

Either the alcohol was getting to Akko’s head and she was imagining things, or Diana was getting clingier and clingier the more she drank. Akko wasn’t sure how to feel about this. _I mean, I kinda super duper like that Diana’s getting all touchy-feely with me for once. Who wouldn’t want a pretty, awesome, amazing girl like Diana clinging to them? But she’s only doing it because she’s drunk…_

Diana, on the other hand, was simultaneously aware of what she was doing and powerless to stop herself from doing it. She had tried drinking to calm her nerves but she’d gone overboard and started moving closer and closer to Akko, eventually hanging off her like some groupie — which is exactly what she wanted to do as well as the one thing she couldn’t allow herself. _Akko is going to wonder what I’m doing, and I can’t trust my drunken mouth not to tell her,_ she thought. _I hope I’m not making her uncomfortable. She’s very sweet to be putting up with me in this state._ She nearly squealed when she felt Akko stroking the top of her head affectionately. _By the Nine Olde Witches, I might not be able to control myself if she does anything more..._

Constanze, perhaps due to her small size, was already dozing off in a chair, guarded by Stanbot. Jasminka seemed to be doing well, which was to be expected when she was the only one eating between drinks. Lotte and Barbara had descended into long-winded rants about Nightfall, switching back between mutual fawning and heated debates at the drop of a hat. Amanda had challenged Hannah to a drinking contest, and Hannah wasn’t about to let some lowlife like Amanda get the better of her. Their contest ended when they lost track of how many shots they had taken (though it would be closer to the truth to say they had forgotten how numbers worked). Sucy, who appeared to be completely sober, gleefully watching the chaos as it unfolded.

“This has been fun, but I need a real drink,” Amanda declared. She fished through the hoard (now surrounded by empty bottles) and pulled out a stout bottle filled with amber liquid. “Bourbon, baby!”

Diana scoffed. “I shuppose if your unshophisticated palate can be shatishfied by that American shwill.” She stumbled over to the drinks and selected her own choice. “A refined lady would rather have shcotch.”

Amanda laughed. “Sorry, Sean Connery, I didn’t catch that!”

“Scotch,” Diana repeated, slowly and deliberately and sounding drunker than ever.

“Excuse me, but scotch tastes like dirt,” Amanda said.

“Pardon me, but bourbon tastes like mud,” Diana replied.

They glared at each other before turning on Akko. “We need a second opinion,” Amanda said. “Tell this snotty Brit that bourbon’s where it’s at!” She thrusted the bottle at Akko.

“Baby, be a dear and tell thish boorish American that shcotch is the only whisky worth drinking,” Diana said, delicately placing the bottle in Akko’s hands. She was either too drunk or too focused on her fight with Amanda to noticed Akko’s squeak at being called “baby.”

Akko tried both drinks and couldn’t tell the difference between them. This answer did not satisfy either Diana or Amanda. They kept pressing shots into her hands and arguing with each other, taking shots of whisky between shots at each other’s favoured drink. Try as she might, Akko couldn’t differentiate between the two drinks. She couldn’t even come up with a fake answer due to the alcohol clouding her head, and her tastebuds seemed to have turned off for the night after all the abuse.

Akko was saved from picking a side once Diana and Amanda’s shots caught up with them. Their argument was long forgotten and they sat with arm around each other’s shoulders.

“I love you, Cavendish, we’re fuckin’ pals,” Amanda slurred. “We’re fuckin’ pals, righ’?”

“We are indeed pals, O’Neill. Comrades, companions, compatriots,” Diana concurred. She appeared to have gotten so drunk that she had powered through her slurring and gone back to normal.

Amanda waved around a glass, its contents spilling over the side. “I don’t know what this is, but mommy fuckin’ likey.”

“If you’re mommy then who am I?” Diana asked. She appeared to be drinking a rum & coke.

“Daddy Diana.”

“Daddy Diana!” ‘Daddy Diana’ repeated zealously.

“I think you two have had enough to drink,” Akko said cautiously. She attempted to pry the drink from Diana’s hands.

“That’s no way to talk to your mommy and daddy!” Amanda said.

“We didn’t raise you to act like this!” Diana said. “The nerve of children these days!”

“You should be glad that mommy and daddy aren’t fighting any more!”

“Not really,” Akko replied. “At least that made sense.”

Amanda groaned. “Get off my back. I work my butt off all day and this is what I come home to? Jennifer’s tits, I need a drink.” She finished the one in her hand and went groping for another bottle.

“I’d recommend a red wine,” Diana said while staring intently at her own drink. “Something bold.”

Hannah stepped in (more like fell in) and sweeped the remaining bottles of red wine away from Amanda. “You don’t get to have them. You don’t deserve them.”

“That’s bold,” Akko noted.

“Gimme,” Amanda said. “I want to mix some wine with some coke.”

“No, Amanda! Appreciating alcohol is just as important as appreciating a woman!”

“The way I appreciate women is to get ‘em in my mouth as soon as possible!”

“Oh really? Then how come you haven’t kissed me yet?” Hannah asked drunkenly. “What do those bottles have that I don’t?” For a point of comparison, Hannah’s current alcohol content was definitely higher than that of a bottle of wine.

“Now that’s bold,” Diana said, her gaze shifting to Akko. 

Amanda blinked. “Well fuck, Hannah, why didn’t you say you wanted a smooch?”

“I did about twelve times earlier, but you were too busy making out with a bottle of booze to notice.”

“Well I can make up for that.” Amanda and Hannah proceeded to kiss right in front of Akko, who was not in the mood to watch her friends suck face.

“Gosh, some people sure are shameless, right Diana?”

Diana didn’t answer. Akko looked around the room, but her crush was nowhere to be seen. “Now where did she get off to.” Who knew what kind of trouble she might get into in that state. Luckily she was in a more manageable state herself and only stumbled a little as she walked. She left her friends to their own devices and went for the most logical starting point: Diana’s bedroom.

Her first guess was right on the money. Diana was curled up in bed, still nursing her rum and coke. She was wobbling slightly and her eyelids fluttered as she fought off drowsiness.

Akko approached the bed. “What’s up, Diana?”

“Oh my, Akko’s in my bedroom,” Diana said to herself aloud. “What a fortuitous occurrence.”

“What do you mean?”

Diana giggled drunkenly. “It means I might get lucky.”

“G-g-get l-l-lucky!?!?” Akko had been around Amanda long enough to know what that English slang meant.

“Come to bed with me, Akko. I need some help sleeping.” Diana batted her eyelashes seductively. Or maybe she was just trying to stay awake.

Ignoring the internal screams bouncing off the inside of her skull, Akko sat down on the bed next to Diana. “I think you’re a little drunk, Diana.”

Diana pouted. “You’re my rival right? Let’s have a contest to see who can hold her breath the longest.” She leaned in and tried to kiss Akko on the lips.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa!” Akko flailed wildly, backing away from Diana’s wanting lips. “You can’t do that?”

“Why not!” Diana seemed close to tears.

“Because you’re drunk and I can’t kiss you when you’re drunk and I’m kinda sober!”

“Oh. I see.” Diana’s mood seemed to level out. “Yes. That would be inappropriate.” She winked. “No one would have to know.”

“But we would know,” Akko said insistently.

“But I want to kiss you, Akko,” Diana said. She shakily placed her drink on the bedside table and stretched herself out on the bed, laying on her side to put herself on display for Akko. “Don’t you want — as Amanda might put it — a piece of this?”

“You’re just saying that because you’re drunk,” Akko said, doing her best to keep the sadness out of her voice.

“I’m not saying it because I’m drunk. I’m admitting it because I’m drunk.” Diana smirked as if she’d said something impossibly clever.

“Wait, what?”

Diana smiled. “I want to kiss you, Akutso… Tsukao.. Atsuko Kagari. You’re cute.”

“S-since when.”

“Since always. Maybe.”

“B-b-but I’m the one who wants to kiss you!” Akko protested. And immediately clapped her hands over her mouth.

Diana was surprised, but she quickly recovered. “Ooh, Akko likes me. Akko has feelings for me. Akko wants to be my _girlfriend_.”

“I mean, you’re not wrong…”

“I’ll take you on as my girlfriend,” Diana said matter of factly. “But this means you’re going to have to kiss me.” She puckered up.

“As much as I want to do that, let’s wait until you’re sober,” Akko said. _And you have a chance to think about it twice,_ she thought nervously. “No kissing until the morning.”

“It’s after midnight so technically it’s morning.”

“Diana…”

“Fine,” Diana said grumpily. “I’ll have you know you’re making a terrible first impression as a girlfriend.”

“If you say so.” Despite Diana’s confession, Akko had doubts that the heiress would still want her once she was sober. “You need to sleep this off. Let’s get you into something more comfortable,” Akko said.

“My, Akko, how forward of you.”

“I meant to sleep in!”

One embarrassing wardrobe change later, Diana was in a nightgown, as was Akko (she changed herself, despite Diana’s offers to help). Akko walked Diana back to bed and eased her under the covers.

Diana grabbed her wrist. “Please stay.”

“I wasn’t going anywhere.” Akko snuggled up to Diana and pulled the covers over both of them. She spooned Diana and they were both asleep for Diana could think of any more seduction attempts.

Akko awoke the next morning feeling oddly refreshed considering how much alcohol she had drunk the night before. Maybe it was because of the nice, soft bed she was in. Fit for a queen. Or a lady. Or a Cavendish.

Her eyes shot open and she saw none other than Diana Cavendish smiling at her.

“Good morning,” she said.

“Um, hey, Diana.” Suddenly without the advantage of being the sober one, Akko felt extremely flustered with Diana and what had happened last night.

“So, uh, how much do you remember from last night?” Akko asked.

“Bits and pieces,” Diana replied. “A lot of it is fuzzy, but I do recall one particular tidbit…” She rolled on top of Akko and smiled seductively. “Atsuko Kagari, I do believe you owe me a kiss.”


End file.
